Muffet's Midday Meal
by SaintHeartwing
Summary: Ms. Muffet needs a new way to make money for her and her fellow spiders. How to do it? Well, it involves some lovely child volunteers and LOTS of baking! This next batch sure won't be made of SPIDERS, that's for sure!


She paced back and forth, her many arms held behind her back as she bit her lip, frowning slightly, black hair bobbing up and down as she grumbled to herself. Her multiple eyes glanced over at the desk she was walking around in front of, heading back over and picking up a snazzy metal clipboard with a chart on the front as she scratched at her head. Muffet the Spider, the "Queen", the "Head Honchette", as it were, of the Spider Kingdom in the Underworld, was unsure of how things had gotten so bad.

Groaning she turned to look at the gigantic purplish creature that was standing nearby, an immense cupcake with a large maw and gigantic, spider-esque mandibles and she pointed down at the chart with a frown on her face. "Tell me. WHY are we paying so much for sugar?"

"Maybe people are stealing it?" Her pet reasoned nervously as Muffet pursed her lips slightly before finally asking the very obvious question.

"Who would steal sugar?"

Unbeknownst to her, a spider was nervously scuttling backwards, inching closer and closer to a propsective buyer before handing over the bag they wanted. The grateful hoofed entity nodded, slipping the spider a twenty-spot before slinking into a nearby alleway and opening up the bag of powdered sugar, a loud snort ringing through the air.

" _Ohhhhhh_. That's the stuff." He moaned out.

"We need to make money. But the problem is that as much as people like our delightful doughnuts, it's not enough. There was of course the idea of using that child, but..." Muffet trailed off, waving a hand in the air as she sat down in the large black leather chair in her office, steepling her other hands as she looked her pet over. "I couldn't just bring myself to hurt such a delightfully sweet creature when they'd never have hurt a fly! Or in our case, a spider. I felt horrible even THINKING about doing that to Frisk!"

"Well, there are other children out there who've heard of The Ruins." Her pet added. "And they want to come down and visit. Ever since Toriel opened up negotiations with the Surface we've had children buying our spider doughnuts! And, well...getting very fat..." He trailed off.

Muffet raised a thin eyebrow up. "You're suggesting we make kiddy cupcakes?" She inquired. "Well, I know many a monster would pay very, VERY good money for one, the taste of human children is rather legendary. Still..." Muffet scratched her head. How to do this? Then an idea came to her. "I've got it. We need to put out an ad and I need to break out my Lazarene Lapis."

"So you think my idea's a good one?" Her pet Sprinkles cheerily asked. "Will you finally give me arms?"

"We'll see."

"Ohhhh."

...

...

...

...a few days later, Muffet's ad actually brought a surprising amount of children into her web, as it were. Because as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes and made her way to the front door of her beloved bakery, she was shocked to see about four children standing there, looking up at her with awe and wonder.

"Wow. You really do got five eyes? I thought most spiders had six."

"Oh, well..." Muffet blushed. "Actually that's for GROWN spiders, I'm only 22." She admitted with a sheepish smile as the blonde little girl who'd asked the question blushed in shame.

"Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't know." She murmured, blue eyes held down as her red-haired young lass of a friend patted her back.

"It's okay, Patricia. I'm sure Ms. Muffet knows you didn't mean anything by it." The distinctly Brooklyn-accented young girl remarked. "I'm Martina, Ms. Muffet. But everyone calls me "Marty"."

"And I'm Richard." The brown-haired young boy in front of them said. "Um, er...which hand should I shake?" He asked, holding his hand out nervously, freckled face slightly flushing as he looked at Ms. Muffet's face, the last child munching on a spider doughnut with it's special, delightful powdered sugar, getting it all over his dark skin.

"Any you'd like." Muffet giggled, shaking Richard's hand. "And you are?" She asked as she looked over the last young lad who swallowed up what remained of the spider dougnut. "I see you clearly have wonderful taste!"

"I'm Ben. My, um...my mom had me named after the doctor the first time she saw him on TV. She's a diehard conservative and she's named every single one of my sisters after politicians."

"Well, it's a nice name." Muffet reasoned with a smile and a bow.

"Tell that to my sister **Sarah**." Ben sighed dejectedly, head slightly hung.

"To think, though. All of you answered my ad!" Muffet proclaimed, clasping her hands together as she led the children in through her mahogany door and across the finely-woven silk carpeting of her main hall. "I had no idea there'd be so many children willing! I thought I'd only get one or two at the most!"

Indeed. It had been a rather unusual ad. Full page, bright and chipper with a very large Ms. Muffet standing up, holding up a large plate of spider doughnuts with a big smile on her face. A little sign that read "Reserved for YOU" on the top, and an unusual request at the top _: "WANTED! Kids for Confectionary Delights. Must have a slight tummy and love of spiders. Please Contact Ms. Muffet around 12:00 PM."_

"Well, we DO love spiders." Richard said with a smile. "I grew up on Charlotte's Web."

"And I actually have a big pet spider back home." Patricia admitted. "He's a Bat-Catching Spider I've named Ed Gillespie. He eats birds and bats."

"Birds and bats, really?" Muffet inquired, raising an eyebrow up in interest.

"Yeah, I help her catch 'em. I think it's really neat how they eat. And I've named them after various social programs." Marty added with a grin. "Yesterday it was "No Child Left Behind's" turn."

"Oooh, my Mom would KILL you if she heard that." Ben chuckled.

"Kinda the point!" Martina and Patricia laughed, Muffet giggling a bit herself at the joke they were making before she pushed open a large, hulking set of double doors. Inside was her kitchen, with deep purple walls and highly-scrubbed steely floors that were easy to clean. Big, gigantic desks and tables artisanally crafted, and quite painstakingly by hand and out of oak, were all carefully placed around the kitchen as various spiders carried large plates, setting out four of them onto the largest table in the center, followed by others that "hup-hup-hupped" their way across the kitchen countertop. With a cheery squeak they deposited their payloads, bowls full of ingredients for Muffet to use as the sunshine cheerily filtered in through a set of large windows nearby in the shape of, of course, a spider's web. Indeed, there were quite a few spider's webs that had been carefully crafted into large, beanbag-esque chairs that were situated all around the kitchen for you to sit down on as Muffet whistled with delight, the kids following after as Richard sniffed at the air.

"Mmmm. Do I smell fresh doughnut dough?"

"That you do!" Muffet admitted cheerily as she held up a very large bowl of dough that one of the spiders had put down, giving it a playful pat on the head before she put the bowl back down and held out her arms, embracing the children in a delightful hug. "I'm so, so glad you all agreed to this! You'll love it, I promise." She said, enjoying the delightful fuzzy feeling that rose from hugging them all. "Now, first thing's first!" The spider remarked as she held up one of her hands and pulled out a shimmering whitish/blue stone from her fluffy red jacket, a good match to the purplish/black of her billowing britches as she held the stone up. "Could you all hold out your hands?"

"What's that?" Ben asked of her. "Why's it glowing?"

"This is Lazarus Lapis. It's a magic stone I need for this to work. I want to make sure it feels nice for you all, don't I?" She said with a broad smile, each one of the children holding out their hands. One by one, she drew on them, the stone leaving an odd tingling marking behind before fading into their skin, Muffet clasping her hands together. "Good! We'd best test it out"! She informed them. "You ready? I'm going to bite you, Patty. Don't be afraid." She told the girl as the little blonde nodded.

Muffet leaned in closer, nipping the girl on her neck, Patty just blinking. "...um, did you do it?" She asked before looking down. "Woah, I feel...all odd. Like my whole body's a giant mascot suit and I'm not really myself."

"An out-of-body type experience? That's good. It means it's working!" Muffet cheerily informed them. "Okeydokey, children! Let's get started! Who'd like to be a pie? I'm trying a new recipe."

"A pie?" Patricia remarked. "Ooh! I'd like that." She cheerily remarked, Muffet lifting her up and carrying her over to a pie pan, it's bottom lined with a thick crust as Muffet placed her inside, rubbing over her slightly swollen belly.

"You're going to **love** this." She cooed out, clapping her hands. Descending down from the criss-crossing web patterns on the ceiling, a spider lowered itself down, down, down from the web and handed over a large bottle. Muffet beamed, taking it's contents and easing into the pie pan a delightful berry blend of raspberry, strawberry, cherries and blueberries, each of them wafting their delightful scent into Patricia's nostrils as she lay in the crust, it's interior coated with a finely painted layer of butter and cooking juice to help ease the process.

"Mmmm. It smells wonderful!" Patricia admitted, lying back and relaxing as the spider then clapped her many hands, the spiders shuffling about and holding up a large vat of dough. She carefully laid the dough over Patricia's form, leaving her head exposed as if wrapped up in a cocoon of baked goods.

"That it does." Muffet complimented. "But we've only just begun. I'd like to test out a new cupcake recipe."

"I'll do it." Ben said, stepping forward. "I love cupcakes!" He remarked, Muffet waltzing over to a nearby table as Ben followed after and she held up a large steely cupcake holder and a big ol vat of cupcake batter, chocolate chips mixed in as she grinned in delight.

"But I think you could a bit fattening up." She told Ben with a giggle, snapping her clawed nails as a spider saluted, holding up a large vat of frosting along with it's friends as Muffet lifted Ben up and cheerily took hold of a spoon, scooping up a large chunk of delightful chocolate frosting and letting him gobble it down. It was smooth and creamy, easily sliding down his throat as his belly began to plump up nicely, Muffet happily feeding him more and more until his belly was a delightful round medicine ball of fat. She giggled, putting him into the batter as she slightly swished him around with a whisk, it was like being in a chocolate-filled jacuzzi for him as Ben sighed in delight, licking some batter of his face.

A few minutes later, he was poured into the enormous cupcake holder, now ready to be made into a full cupcake as Muffet eagerly rubbed her hands together. "And that leaves you two! Of course, I'd like to use you for my most favorite desert of all! Dougnuts!" She proclaimed, gesturing over at a nearby circular table where a large bowl full of dough lay. It smelled positively divine, with a buttery scent rising through the air, a fine yeast dough that was ready for Marty and Richard.

"Ooh! Doughnuts!" Richard remarked with a grin, walking over to the table as Muffet scuttled over herself, rolling the doll around in powdered sugar, winking at him and Marty.

"Adds in some even more wonderful flavor. Ahu-hu-hu!" She laughed before finally deciding she'd gotten all the dough. "It's all set!" She said. "Well...except, of course, for my new secret ingredient." She giggled, the spider looking at the two children. You're going to add a wonderful flavor, I just KNOW it!" She said, picking the two up with relative ease, happily stuffing them into the dough and kneading them about, humming cheerily all the while. Richard and Marty, meanwhile, felt like they were getting a full body massage. The magical stone had done it's work, and it felt gooood to be kneaded and rubbed and pressed like this. Soon it was time, and Muffet the spider rolled each of them up into a big, kiddy-filled doughnut, a new type of "creme" that was ready to go into the oven as she hungrily licked her lips.

Now it was time to put them in the oven, one after another. Cheerily holding each one of their respective little cooking resting places up, she sauntered over to the oven, another carefully-designed piece of homeware that was, like the windows, designed to resemble a spider's web at the front, with large intricate swooping designs. She opened it up with a cheery wink at the four children. "Bon appetit!" She cooed out, sliding them inside as a gentle warmth bathed over them and they felt a deep urge to rest and sleep, the oven doing it's work, solidifying around them, making them into the tasty treats Muffet so dearly wanted.

Within half an hour, they were ready, and she lifted them out of the oven, carefully coating Ben in wonderful dollops of frosting, adding a single flavorful cherry to Patricia the Pie and, of course, joyfully sprinkling some final powdered sugar over Richard and Marty before setting each of the children down on a plate.

"You all look so wonderful." She told them with a wonderful smile on her face. "Truly, thank you. Thank you all so much." She said, lifting up Patricia the Pie, jaws opening wide. Muffet lifted her up, licking his chops as he pulled the whole pie out of the pan, and opened wide. With a few chomps, bit by bit Patricia went down into Muffet's waiting maw, her tongue tickling Patricia as she and the pie slid down into the spider's waiting belly. Muffet moaned in delight, licking the flavor off her fingers as Patricia slid down into the soft, fuzzy interior of Muffet's tummy,her every movement tickling Muffet's insides as if her web was being struggled about in.

"Ahhh. _So_ good."

But of course, she wasn't done. Now it was Ben's turn. She cheerily unwrapped Ben by his wrapper and began licking the frosting off his head as it remained stuck out of the cake itself. Lick, lick, lick. "How many licks to get to the center of a Ben?" She laughed. "Ah-hu-hu-hu!"

And then, GULP. With a mighty gulp she popped him into his mouth, swishing him back and forth, moaning in delight at how his faintly erotic taste combined so well with the delightful chocolate. It was like an exotic brand of candy in her mouth! She swallowed him down, sending him sliding into her waiting stomach to plop down next to Patricia as she belched a bit, waving a hand in front of her mouth. "Ooh, how very rude of me. MOST unladylike." She said, turning to Richard and Marty, holding the two up. "Now, then...which one to eat?" She mused. "No, that's not fair. Why not both?" Muffet asked.

So the spider lifted them over her head. Her mouth hung open and her tongue extended out as she plopped the two delightful dougnut dishes onto her mouth, closing it around her full, tasty, doughy prey. She murred in delight as her tongue washed over their forms, ohhh. They tasted so nice, so full, so juicy and sweet! Richard and Marty got swished and sloshed about within the maw of Muffet before they were eased down to the back of her mouth, swallowed down into the waiting, tight throat. They slid down, a large combined bulge in her neck that was squeezed down into Muffet's waiting stomach as she patted her full belly.

"Yum! Oh, so good! So _very_ good." She whispered.

"Now I know how Ed Gillespie's meals feel." Marty remarked as she sat next to Patricia in the stomach, all of them feeling Muffet rubbing over them, her stomach walls happily massaging their forms, eager to absorb and digest them.

"Now you just settle in, sweeties." Muffet remarked in a chipper fashion. "I'm a gal of my word. And as the ad promised, I don't really intend to hurt you."

Indeed, she didn't. Though they were faintly aware of their bodies being tenderly broken down and processed by Muffet's belly, they felt safe and secure in her stomach. And for good reason: though their eyes closed soon after...

Bam. In an instant they were in a chipper pink room connected to the kitchen, Muffet holding out a small box of Spider Doughnuts for each of them with a cheery and friendly smile on her features. "Doughnut?"

"Did...we just die?" Patricia asked, looking at Muffet's visibly larger, rounder belly as Muffet giggled slightly.

"Your old bodies are belly fat now, but I've reformed you thanks to the Lazarus Lapis stone I used! And since you're all such good sports and so good to spiders, I'd like you to have a box of free doughnuts. On me! Now that I know how delightful you children can be in cooking, I'd be delighted to have more volunteers come in to help me make even greater dishes. Human-stuffed snacks would sell like hotcakes!" She cheerily remarked.

"Probably." Richard admitted with a smile. "It DID feel really nice." He added as Muffet blushed before a knock came at the door, Muffet blinking before she scratched her head.

"Ah, one moment." She told the children, putting the boxes of doughnuts down to let them enjoy their free gift as she made her way over to the door and opened it up, finding a young Asian girl standing there.

"Oh dear, am I too late?" The girl asked, seeing Muffet's stomach and sighing. "I'm sorry, I meant to come sooner, but I was just in the market talking to this giant cupcake-spider thing that was sort of...um...hitting on my own pet spider?" She added, jabbing a thumb backwards. "I THINK she's one of yours that found her way up to our world. Ours don't get that big."

"So, um...is there a MISTER Arachnid you come home to?" Muffet's pet asked the enormous tarantula that was the size of a dog, the tarantula unmistakingly blushing as Muffet put a hand over her mouth.

"OOH. Yep. Definitely Jill's kid. Someone'll have to tell her sons. All **2000**." Muffet remarked. "But you shouldn't feel left out just because you were late." She added, ruffling the hair of the short-cut young Asian lass's head.

"No?"

"No. Tell you what..." Muffet said with a small Mona Lisa smile.

"Come back around dinner time...I've got a WONDERFUL surprise for you..."


End file.
